


Primitive

by kittybenzedrine



Series: Timelines [14]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Infant Death, Isolation, Primitive Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-29 12:58:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybenzedrine/pseuds/kittybenzedrine
Summary: Ren is an isolated woman out in the wilderness who just wishes to live out her days in peace. Her life is quiet and uneventful, until a bull-headed and persistent man shows up. Leo come across a half feral woman out in the thick of the trees and cannot bring himself to leave her be. She is capable, bold, beautiful, and everything he wants. Leo loves her, and Ren ends up begrudgingly loving him back.Their life is not often a happy one.______All pieces of the Timelines series work as standalones, so there's no need to read any of the others for context.





	Primitive

**Author's Note:**

> As stated in the summery, all of the works in the Timelines function as standalones, so you don't need to read any of the others for any kind of context. Enjoy!
> 
> Edited on January 17, 2018 to fix up some errors and add content to the story.

Ren lives away from others because she does not want to be bothered. She has no interest in other humans, no desire for companionship or a mate, wants nothing to do with breeding. Out here, she is alone. She has her home, a secure little thing that keeps out the rain and traps in the warmth of her fire. A stream is near enough that she can bathe, have clean water to drink, somewhere good to hunt fish. Fruit is plentiful, animals of different sizes that provide her meat and warm pelts. Her spear is reliable. No one around for miles.

It is how she wants it to be. She is isolated, few come through the area and none stay. They believe her feral, the way she bares her teeth and hisses like an animal. Ren does nothing to dispel the notion. With her earth colored curls sprung out in every direction, face streaked with dirt and animal blood, and spear in hand, she always looks ready to kill anyone who dares encroach on her space.

 

 

It does not deter the stranger who shows. He wears a graying pelt around his waist, heavy spear in his hands, and a strange dark mask on his face. His hair is long dark, makes his skin look pale in comparison. With a good wash, the pelt could be back to the white Ren assumes it started out as. The spear is good for killing bigger animals like boars, or buffalo, or tough humans. The mask, she doesn't know about. Doesn't like it. Definitely doesn't trust it.

Ren hisses at him, grips her own spear in her hands. He pulls the mask away from his face, looks her up and down. There's a hungry look in his eyes, the way the men in her old tribe looked at her when her body matured. Her body is the prime standard to be bred, despite her beginning to age. She's fat and padded in all the right places, proofs that she's capable to nourish any young growing in her.

Again, Ren hisses at him. She jabs at him with her spear, and while he backs up, he does not leave. He tells her that he is Leo, and that she looks like a priestess. It offends her a little to be compared to one. The only priestesses Ren knew were undesirable, with no skills. Bodies like sticks, no good for bearing children. Unable to hunt or even gather for themselves. Saying made up words to their invented gods.

Her voice is rusty from disuse. Ren growls that she is not a priestess, but a goddess, and that she wants to be left alone. That she has no desire for human men or their needs.

When he doesn't leave, she advances on him, spear out and ready to strike. He backs up as she goes forward, but does not try to harm her with his own weapon. He does eventually leave, but she can feel eyes on her for the remainder of the day. She has no doubt this Leo is watching her. It makes her angry instead of nervous, and she prepares her sharp stone blade in the evening in plain view, waiting for him to try to steal into her home and force her. He would not be the first man to try, and would not be the first man killed for it either.

It is not him she hears when the sun dips low in the sky. There are many men, with lewd suggestions of what to do with the bodies of unwilling women. Unclean suggestions, about eating their flesh. She gets her spear ready as she hears them grow closer. There are enough voices that she has no illusion that she'll survive, but she will not go out without a fight.

Ren barks out to them to leave. They laugh at the thought, and advance on her. They have no desire to wait for a fuck and a meal, which they have found all in one place.

They hesitate when she takes out one man with a clean blow through the chest, yanks the spear head out covered in his gore. Then, they're enraged. It's fourteen to one, and she has no false hope that she's going to live through this, but she isn't giving up. She takes a blunted blow to the hip in the process of cutting a man's throat out. She gets scraped, bruised, cut, fells two more men and goes for another.

It comes as a surprise when they retreat. Only one man is left after. It is Leo, with three bodies at his feet, blood and gore coating his weapon, hands, and mask. She shows him her teeth again and shouts. She cannot see his expression behind the unnaturally dark wood.

It's his fault the men showed up, she accuses. She would have been safe as a babe had he just left, it would not have brought nasty omens of bad men in his wake. He says nothing to defend himself, and says nothing about her being ungrateful for his help.

She spits at Leo to leave, then grabs the ankles of one corpse and drags him far away from her home. It will not do to attract predators to her, who will want her fresh meat over the dead. When she returns, Leo is gone once again. Hiding in the trees, probably. She takes the pelts off of the corpses and takes their spears and knives as well. She'll salvage the blades for when she's forced to go out and do trade.

It is pitch black when the last body has finally been cleared. She's dead tired, and it's a gamble to go to sleep now with that Leo out there, with the hungry way he looks at her body. But she eventually succumbs to her exhaustion and wakes up unharmed in the morning.

 

 

It is a long while before he returns, the moon does a full cycle, but Leo does return. She threatens him again, lashes out and cuts his side when he will not leave. It is not enough to kill or even mildly injure, just a warning. He hisses in pain at the small slice, but will not go, merely keeps his distance. The wound bleeds and scabs over by that evening, and he doesn't bother to wash the streaks of dried blood off of his skin.

It becomes a regular routine for Ren to threaten him, and for him to keep away, but remain too close for her comfort. She hates it, hates that he knows her daily motions and rituals. But there's little she can do about it. Chasing him off every day wastes precious sunlight, there's so little of it when it's cold out. And it doesn't matter if she chases him off, because he's back hours later. He's persistent like a cat trying to domesticate itself for free food.

He leaves when it gets dark out, at least she thinks he leaves. She can never figure out where he stays once the sun goes down, never sees the light or smoke of a fire. If he wants to freeze himself at the tail end of the cold season just to observe her, that's no fault of hers. He can die and stop being a pain in her ass.

Leo starts to leave gifts as well. Meat and fruit and the occasional rabbit fur. When she's close enough to hear, he teases her and says they're offering, seeing as she's a goddess. Though she hates waste, she never accepts. Acception any of it offers the invitation of him to partake with her, and she wants nothing to do with him. Ren doesn't think any of it goes to waste, though, because it's always gone after a while, but no animal prints to suggest that one carried it off. It can't be birds either, most of Leo's gifts are too big and heavy for tiny talons to take. Besides, what would a bird need with a rabbits pelt?

She does muse over the though of him being a mate of sorts, every now and then, when it's dark and she has too much time to think. Ren will admit Leo is pretty far as men go, with his long pitch black hair and the solid angles of his face. She's though about him a few times while keeping herself warm at night, though she's always disgusted with herself after.

He is also broad and built, with strong arms that can lift his gargantuan spear with no effort. His legs are thick and corded with muscle, and the lines of scars on his body show that he is resistant to infection from common injury, and will not die easily. He could easily provide for her and their theoretical young, pass on healthy genes. It would be nice to not have to prove for herself.

But Ren dispels the thoughts. Taking on a mate and having children in exchange for protection and food is a terrible trade off. She doesn't want to rear young. She is one of seven children, and only two to survive to adulthood. Young die too easily, and are a nuisance if they survive, constantly trying to get into things they shouldn't and trying kill themselves with curiosity.

Not to mention the hassle of a mate, constantly wanting to rut, to chase the pleasure of a fuck and force their women to breed. In her old village, Ren would hear women scream into the night because their men did not care for their comfort, would just drive in until they bled. Some were kinder, but not by much.

All men want is to fuck, pass on their genes, and have a woman take care of them. She wants nothing to with it, and even if she just wanted to have him around for his body, she's unfortunately seen him at full arousal. He is larger than most, like the carvings of fertility gods that she's seen. Even if he is a kind mate, he will still hurt her.

 

 

Leo is a pest, and a thorn in her damn side. It's a very mild cold season, but his presence is a distraction and though mild, cold is cold and she hates the cold. She wants nothing more than to be inside already at the warmth of her fire, but he won't stop trying to be chatty, to draw her attention and make suggestive comments that are half jest, half serious. Ren very curtly tells him to shut up already and leave. This fur isn't going to hang itself out and he's being nothing but a nuisance.

Of course, he doesn't. He ramps up the lewd quality of his words, and only goes silent when she whips around, spear appearing in her hand right before she launches it at him. It purposefully misses him by only half a foot, as a warning. She isn't sure why he's been given so many warnings, she should have just fucking killed him by now and saved her future self the trouble.

Without breaking eye contact, he pulls the spear from the dirt. His expression is flat and plain as he brings one knee up and brings the shaft of the spear down, loudly and pointedly breaking it in half.

She stares at him for a long moment. Alright. Maybe she _will_ do her future self a favor. Turning on her heel, she makes her way to her home, ducking inside to grab another one of her spears. That was the last warning he gets. But when she comes outside, ready to put her threats into play, he's gone and her broken weapon is abandoned in the dust.

Leo is back the next day, however he keeps a little more distance than he usually does. Ren just wants to fucking strangle him. Watching him turn purple under her grip would be beyond satisfying, but she's not going to pretend like she could take him. He'd snap her just as easily as he snapped her spear.

As is usual of the beginning of the warming season, the warm temperatures drop hard for a few changes of the moon. It hurts Ren's skin to be out longer than a few minutes, turns her fingers and toes an angry red, burns the most sensitive parts of her flesh. She knows she should cover more of her body when she goes out, but does not think it's with the effort. As the usual, Leo stays at the edge of her vision, looking a little worse for wear now.

Though she distrusts him, she grows used to his presence. That is her mistake.

The entrance flaps of her home opening wakes her half way through the freezing week. Leo stands there, skin pale as snow. He shivers uncontrollably, lips blue and extremities red. He looks ill, but she knows he isn't. It's blatant he will die soon if he does not warm up.

It is her mistake. She let him grow comfortable to push at her boundaries, and she grew comfortable with his eyes always on her back. It's entirely her own stupid fault.

Ren closes her eyes and shifts closer to the fire. Just behind her, there is enough room for another body to fit. Fit he does, curling onto the various skins and furs still warm from her body. He pulls the other half of the large mammoth fur over his body, presses his bare back against her own. She hisses at the freezing cold on her back, but does not move away.

In the cold months when she was a child, Ren's parents would strip to nothing, smother her and her brother between the two of them when they slept. Mother taught her that the best way to keep someone warm is to share your own heat. It seems to prove true.

She awakens when it's still dark out, with the heat of another body pressed to hers. Hot puffs of breath warm a spot on her back, one of his legs slotted between her own. His hand curls around the swell of her breast like a handhold, fingers back to a normal temperature. Against her lower back and the curve of her ass, he ruts his arousal, letting out soft sounds in his sleep. It is uncomfortable but bearable, and she goes back to sleep.

 

 

Ren allows him to sleep there while it is cold, if only so she doesn't have to go out in it herself to drag away his icy dead body. It's... She absolutely hates it admit it, but it's far more comfortable to sleep next to something warm than just to turn her face to the fire. Even if Leo is grabby in his sleep. It's tolerable.

He doesn't go when it warms back up. He continues to sleep in her bed of furs, hold his body to hers even though he sweats heavily in his sleep. It's mildly infuriating. She wants her bed back without a sweat slicked man in it, without said man wrapped around her while he groans in his sleep, pushing himself up against her ass for the friction.

It's the warming season now, good and proper. The time men plant the fields and admire the bellies of their women, already growing from keeping each other warm during the cold season.

For Ren, this means planting a small patch of potatoes and carrots, repairing the torn leather of her home. Leo hunts for the two of them, and she accepts it now. It eases the burden on her workload, and if he's going to continue to take up her precious space, he's going to contribute. He even boils the animal bones for her after they've sucked out the marrow, so she can turn them into intricate little tools.

Once he's assured he's welcome, he leaves for days at a time. He never tells her what he does or where he went, and she never asks. She has no interest in what he does so long as it brings nothing bad to her.

He seems so smug that he's finally allowed in, it brings him great joy to push at her boundaries and irritate her to no end. She hates his casual touches, snarls at him to get his own supplies when he starts using up all her soaps and eating her coveted sweets. But just like he'd done for months, he wears her down with persistence.

Nothing she does seems to deter him from being an absolute menace. She lashes out, both verbally and physically, and he even laughs when she shows him a wickedly sharp knife and threatens to kill him in his sleep. She lunges, and he pins her down until she runs out of steam.

Leo starts to grow more bold when they lie down to sleep, pushes at her boundaries yet again. It starts with kisses to her bare shoulders, graduates up to touching. His hands roam over her bare body, touching whatever he can reach. She can tell he desperately craves to feel her, but he never forces his searching fingers between her legs. He'll touch the hair growing at the top, slower than he touches anything else, but moves on.

She's confident enough to return to sleeping on her stomach, at least. He hasn't tried to put himself in her, and he's had ample time to try. Ren knows he wants to, she's heard him hiss her name between his teeth while he fucked his fist, spilled his seed on his own skin. Can feel the want when he presses his fingers between her thighs, to her center where the thick hair traps her scent in, in the way he starts to part the skin but always stops. Pulls his hand away and touches her behind instead. It's incredible restraint, and she's a little impressed.

It burns something low in her belly though, the way he touches her. It gets her wet, the way it does when she pleasures herself. And she thinks about him when she does it, about his fingers in her instead of her own, spreading wider to allow to for his hips to fit against her. She's not sure when she started to actually want him, when she warmed to the idea of him pushing into her, but she doesn't like it.

 

 

Leo is... Useful, at least, she'll give him that. He provides good protection, sticks close to her. When he isn't gone for days at a time with that stupid mask of his, he always has some kind of kill for her. It's a simple arrangement that they have. He'll kill and skin the animal, she'll cook and preserve the pelts. He gives her protection, she gives him a place to sleep. He behaves himself, she keeps her murder attempts to a minimum.

A wolf makes her den near their home, and Leo has to kill her when she gets aggressive and attacks. He and Ren were here first. In the den are a few pups, which he ends up drowning so they don't become a threat or draw in threats that hear the crying. Ren feels a bit bad about killing them, but they make some of the best stew she's ever had.

His usefulness becomes more apparent when she needs to go out to do trading. It's a full days trip to the nearest village in any direction, and trading has always been a pain for her. They treat her different for being her age and not having a mate or children yet. It's too dangerous to travel in the dark to get back home, so she's forced to sleep in a strange land with savage men who would force themselves on her if they got the chance.

It's certainly a different experience with Leo with her. He stands just behind her, looms like a giant stone-faced shadow and gives everyone cold looks. Ren gets treated much better, gets more in exchange for the precious bone tools that she makes. The food she barters for is better quality than she's ever been given, the tea leaves fresh, and she gets enough soap to keep up with his obsessive hygiene.

And no one bothers her when she sleeps, not with a large mysterious man wrapped around her who looks like he could kill them if he so much as brushes against them too hard. He's useful enough. But she's quick to correct any of them that call him her mate. He isn't. She's barely allowing him to be called her friend. Leo isn't her mate.

 

 

The bed pelts are clean, after spending the day washing them. Dry too, from hanging in the sun. She has little to do during the day other than menial tasks. He doesn't help her with washing, instead choosing to disappear for the day so he doesn't have to do extra labor. Ren calls at him to not bother coming back when she sees him going, but she knows he'll be back at her side by dark. Pest.

She takes them down off of the branch they've been drying on and brings them in. It's almost dark out, and she's getting tired. Ren strips, then gets down and smooths the furs back out into a big enough bed. She hears Leo enter as she's finishing up, and he let out a shaky breath. She's suddenly aware how exposed she is, already naked for sleep, leaning on the bed on her hands and knees.

It probably looks like she's presenting to him, asking him to take her without words. The thought of that makes her feel warm, makes her face flush with embarrassment. It makes her want to spread a little more. And Leo, he makes a noise low in his chest and crosses to her, kneels behind her thighs and rubs his already hardening arousal against her. His hand is warm on her hip.

Leo tells her in a low voice that he wants her, he wants her so desperately. He lets go of her hip, parts her enough to press himself against the slick between her thighs. Ren's breath stutters. He asks if he can have her. If he's finally allowed to have this from her.

She's unsure why he pulls away when she hesitantly says yes. But he comes back, slick himself from saliva probably. He presses just the tip against her, works in with gentle thrusts of his hips.

It's uncomfortable. She was certain it would be, having never had more than two fingers in her before, but it burns as he works more into her, aches something awful. He doesn't seem to notice her strained breaths or her hands fisted info the fur under their bodies, too lost in sliding into her heat. He's only about half into her when Ren pulls away, making a pained noise.

Too much, she says, it's too much. Hurts a lot more than she thought it would. She flips over, closes her thighs fully even though it aches to do so.

He furrows his brows, asks if she's done this before. Gets a look that's somewhere between shame and anger when she tell him no, she's never had anyone before. Leo comes forward, cradles her jaw in his hands. He rubs his face on hers in apology, presses their mouths together a few times. From the size of her hips, he thought she'd done this before, he explains. Thought she'd given birth before, in fact. Didn't mean to hurt her. He would have been more gentle with her, had he known.

It takes a while and some persuasion, but he coaxes her to lay on her back and to spread back open. He instructs her to touch herself, and puts two of his fingers in his mouth. When he's satisfied that they're wet enough, he pulls them out and gently works them into her, mindful of her discomfort. He pushes and pulls with a light curl of his fingers, watching her with a low-lidded gaze while she shyly touches herself.

She hasn't... She's never heard of people doing things like this. A few fingers maybe, she's heard of that, to help move things along. But never of the man asking to watch the woman try to finish herself while he looks at her like he could devour her.

This is all so new to her, so strange. And once it stops hurting so much, it's a little exciting. It doesn't take much for her breathing to start picking up. Between the curling of his fingers and the movement of her own, the pleasure begins to outweigh the pain of her aching hole. He can feel her quivering around his fingers, already getting close to her release.

He pulls them slow out and licks his palm, not taking his eyes off of her, tells her to keep going. He slicks himself again and glances down just long enough to make sure he's lined up. Much like the first time, he lightly presses in, works himself further with weak thrusts of his hips. Ren's breathing comes shaky, and she squeezes around what little he's got in her. She's close. She's looks just as good like this as he thought she would, even better than he thought

It doesn't take much longer for her to get to the edge, breathing in gasps while splaying her thighs. She lets go with a shout, pushing her hips up into her hand and allowing more of him to sink into her. It feels so good that he shudders and almost empties into her then and there, but he has some restraint. He wants to enjoy this a little longer.

He thrusts a little faster than he probably should, but she doesn't complain, merely moans and keeps her legs open for him. She doesn't pull her fingers away, just keeps working herself while he gets more of himself inside her. Already, he can feel it building up again as she writhes around him, shivering and whining in her throat. She's still sensitive from the first time, it won't take her long a second time.

Ren is gorgeous. Leo wants so badly to press his lips to her own, but doesn't want to miss a moment of this. Again, she starts to break apart, pulling in air in choked gasps. It's silent when she lets go this time, back arched and lips opened obscenely. It's so tight, so devine, that he can't stand it and spills into her, burying his face into her neck and pushes their hips flushed together. He milks out every last drop of his seed into her with mindless thrusts, until he's too sensitive to keep going. She lets out a soft, breathy moan into his ear as he settles, and he smiles against her skin.

She's warm against his body, and he finally gets to lean down and kiss her. A spark of thrill runs down his spine when she messily kisses him back.

 

 

Leo is gone when she wakes up. Him, his spear, and that stupid mask of his. She wanders out to the river to wash herself, scrubbing the dried remains of his seed from her hair and skin. Her hole is still sore, but she takes care to wash it even though it stings.

She does small tasks, waits around and sees if he'll return. When he's not back by midday with a kill in his hands, she hunts for herself and doesn't bother to save him any. Just like a man to fuck someone and move on.

A full moon cycle passes, and he doesn't return. Taking back over what used to be his duties leaves her exhausted, run down. She's grown soft because of him, used to his contribution. She also starts getting ill every time she eats. At first, she assumes the meat is bad and throws it out. But she gets sick off of the fresh picked blackberries from her favorite patch. She knows they're not poisoned, she eats from the same area every year. She gets sick off of water. She gets sick when she denies herself food.

It takes her two full days to realize what the problem is.

She's livid at first. She doesn't want children, and has made her distaste of them clear. Was that his plan, to knock her up and leave? If that was his plan, he could have had a dozen women by now instead of wasting so much time on her. Could have seduced a bunch of much younger women with fake promises, plans to have children with them and provide for them, then left after impregnating them.

But he comes back after the moon has done another half cycle. Ren doesn't tell him about what he's done. He greets her with a kiss, and she's almost disgusted at how easy it is to fall into such casual intimacy with him. She's content to spread her legs for him that evening, prepare and cook his kills, and pretend that his child isn't growing in her belly. He'll know evenly, she figures that much, but she has no desire to go out of her way to tell him. She's sure he'll coddle her, not let her out of sight it he finds out she's carrying his young. She wants her freedom for as long as she can keep it.

Leo's only there for a day, leaving for another cycle and a half. He promises he'll return, but he's got business to attend to. Just wanted to come back and make sure she was okay, let her know he's alright. With another kiss, he's gone.

Already she's putting on weight, but it's from her appetite. She's only a third of the way through her pregnancy, there's no way she'd be showing yet. She eats constantly after the sickness passes, idly munching on sweet berries and salty fish, and eats fluffy bread that she traded bone tools for at the nearest village.

Once Leo comes back for a decent portion of time, he doesn't leave her alone. He hasn't found out about their young, but he does just as she assumed a man would; all he wants to do is fuck. It's impossible to get through with any task, because he'll pull her back into her home and nudge her thighs apart with a sweet smile. Can't even bathe or clean furs, with him pulling her into deeper waters and pushing fingers into her. It's infuriating, but she also can't complain about it when she finds herself wrapped around him, whining against his skin while his seed drips from her. He's insatiable, but she does nothing to deter it.

His hands are always gentle on her skin, and the looks that he gives her are too soft, too intimate for her to handle. She has a brother, an older one who raised her when their parents died. The way her brother looked at his mate, with nothing but love in his eyes for her, is how Leo keeps looking at Ren.

She can't stand it.

The moon changes, slowly but surely. Her hair and nails grow faster, and her breasts start to swell. She's not sure when he figures it out, but he does. His hands are always on her belly, little touches while she skins a rabbit, a vice grip when they sleep. And he hovers over her. She constantly runs into him because he stays so close, even when she demands he back off. She throws elbows at him, and when that doesn't help she lashes at him with a knife. He keeps a little distance after that. Still, he touches her when he can. He enjoys resting his hand on her, pushing a little, and feeling the thump of his growing seed pushing back.

Leo likes to coax her into his lap at night, facing the fire. He has her lean her back against his chest, dots her shoulders with kisses. He rubs her sides, squeezes her thighs, and smooths his hands up the growing swell of her belly. Soothes the tension from her frame and massages her swollen breasts to keep her comfortable.

Ren's belly grows larger. She begins to nest, preparing a warm spot for the babe out of all the pelts she can get ahold of. It should be born in the middle of the cold season, by her estimate. It'll need to be as warm as possible.

Once again, he leaves. He tells her it's only for a day, and gives her a location for once. It's not too far. She does nothing to dissuade him from going though, because her belly has dropped low very suddenly, nearly a full season early. She doesn't try to seek him out that evening either, when a rush of water bursts from between her thighs. It will be pointless. She's been cramping all day, can already feel her muscles contracting quickly, trying to expel her young. She wants to be alone when she does this, anyway.

When she was young, she remembered laboring women. Squatting endlessly, for hours and hours until their young finally came out. Sometimes it would take days, even. The longer it took, the more likely they were to die.

She doesn't have to worry about that. It takes about three hours for her fast, hard labor to come to a close. The sun has nearly set by the time she lets out her last cry, and catches the child as it comes out.

It does not surprise her when the baby does not cry, but it still hurts, makes her choke up. In the dying light, she can see that it is a boy. His skin is pale and thin enough to see through, and his mouth has no color to it. He's so incredibly small, big enough to fit between her two hands, having been born a full season early. He is... also misshapen. There are only four fingers on his hands, feet shaped in an odd way that his toes all look like a strangely connected blob. His face also isn't right, but she can't place what's wrong.

Ren still tries in vain to clear his throat with her finger, pat his back to get him to cry with his tiny lungs. She barely notices as she passes the placenta, touching his tiny features. It... She did not want him. Didn't want a child at all. But it pains her to have carried him and to never get to see the color of his eyes, never hear him cry. It makes her chest clench to think he suffered the entire time he grew. She rubs her face on his sparse hair, the same color of his father's, dark as a black new moon sky. The smear of her own blood and the afterbirth that transfers from his skin to hers does not bother her. She tries not to cry.

Like always, she carries the dead far away. Leo finds her in the near dark as she's laying the small body in the grass. He looks distraught, panting like he has been running. His spear and mask fall into the leaves, and he sinks down slow to get a good look at his young. He asks her quietly as he touches the little pale mouth, did she smother him for looking that way?

No, she murmurs. He was too small to survive, born too early. Never even took a breath. She would have kept him if he would have breathed, no point in destroying what she worked so hard to make.

The babe is too young to be given a name. There is nothing else they can do, so they leave his tiny body in the clearing. His body will return to the earth.

 

 

 

Soon enough, she grows tired of Leo. He clings too hard, smothers her with unwanted affection and does not give her and peace. Can't even relieve herself without him seeking her out, trying to find where she went. She knows he's grieving in his own way, but she can't bring herself to care anymore.

She screams for him to leave already. He looks startled at her outburst. She stalks up to him, shouts in his face and shoves at his chest. She should have let him freeze to death, never should have let him into her bed. It's his fault that the babe came out soon, came out wrong, came out dead. He is bad luck, a bad omen. It's not the first time she says this to him, but it is the first time she gets him to leave with it.

Three season pass. Leo does not come back, but a boy, barely a man, with yellow hair and mutated eyes finds her. His eyes are not as rare as hers, but she thinks they're prettier than hers. They are the color of a river, or maybe the day sky, while hers are like healthy grass. He is shy and young, calls himself Mott and asks if she knows where to find the woman who makes the bone tools? He needs something special made.

Mott's painfully awkward. He's sweet, though, and stutters when he speaks to her, trips up his words. His face goes red when she laughs at him, but she doesn't mean it unkindly. She touches his arm and agrees to make the tools for him. He looks like a lovestruck child, hurriedly agrees to her trade and promises to return soon.

True to his word, he returns a few days later. She takes him as a lover fairly soon after. He's much younger than her, nineteen season cycles while she is inching up on twenty-eight cycles. He's almost embarrassingly inexperienced as well. He spills into her in three long thrusts of his hips the first time, but she teaches him to take his time and how to please her.

Mott leaves again for a little while, but only to inform his family that he hasn't died and to pass her specially made tools to his brothers. It pleases her greatly that he comes back every day, rarely disappears without telling her why.

The end of the heat season is hell. Her skin burns from exposure to the sun, and Mott's fair skin turns the same angry shade of red that hers does. She teaches him a trick to soothe it, slathers him down with silt mud from the bottom of the river. He returns the favor when she's finished with him, and he kisses her soft and sweet.

There's an uptick in venomous snakes near the river, and she has to kill most of them that they come across. Mott is scared of snakes and won't get near them. It doesn't bother her too bad to be the snake killer, she enjoys being treated like an equal, not some delicate flower that needs his protection.

Cooling season comes, and the snakes begin disappearing as the temperatures drop during the nights. Hopefully it'll get cold enough that the snakes will just die. Mott agrees with the sentiment.

Mott's good about keeping up with his duties. He's skilled with a bow and arrow, but not so good with skinning his kills, so she tries to teach him. When he doesn't get any better, she takes over skinning them and shows him how to properly dry out a pelt, which he's better at.

He's shorter than her and can't reach to repair the damage to their home, but he still helps her with it to the best of his ability. He's unskilled in a lot of ways, he tells her he never had a father to teach him those things and his older brothers never took the time. But his mother taught him how to be a homemaker. He can wash and cook, can at least get his own kills. He can do what's usually left as women's work.

Ren doesn't mind taking over the "man's" duties. When she lived alone, she did everything herself. They work easy together. The most tedious work she has to do is stand guard when he spends more than ten minutes in the river, to protect him from snakes. And it doesn't feel very tedious at all. It's a labor of love.

The cold comes and hits hard. A ways away, she begins seeing the smoke from a fire. It's too close for comfort, and she bundles up, grabs a weapon and gets ready to drive the person off. With as much certainly as she's ever heard from him, Mott assures her that whoever it is, they're more than likely not a threat. There's no need to go out in this if she doesn't need to. It still makes her uneasy, but she stays when he pleads with her to.

Unable to spend long outside of the confines of their home due to the chill, Mott teaches her games. She's too old to be playing them and so is he, but he picked them up from his littlest sister, and, well, neither have anything better to do when they're too tired to fuck anymore. Ren won't lie, the little games end up being entertaining.

He's ever sweet to her, nuzzles into her warmth at night and kisses her until she's squealing for him to quit it. He's so gentle as well, never treats her like she's delicate, but is delicate with the way he treats her. The anxiety he once had has melted away, and he's finally bold enough to ask her something that he's been want to for a while. They've spent so much time together, with him buried in her. Nothing's happened yet, he explains, so will she... will she eat these foods that should help her conceive?

Ren has no want for children, and they've been together for such a short time, but she cares for Mott so deeply. She eats the concoctions, takes him whenever he wants her. Tries all the positions that should help his seed stick in her. He is young, much younger than Leo without a doubt, so she's surprised that nothing happens. Maybe it's her fault. Her only child came out too soon and looking wrong, maybe her body is rejecting making another.

He kisses her hard when she tells him that, and he assures her it's not her fault. She didn't choose for her child to come out that way, and sometimes these things take a while. They'll have a healthy little one soon enough, a family to call their own.

It's the beginning of the warming season when she hears Mott's shouts from the river. He'd fucked her twice that morning, spilled deep in her and kissed her so lovingly. Left to go wash up the sticky mess and maybe catch fish for their lunch. His cries are first scared, then pained, so she does not delay when she goes to him.

He's dead already when she reaches him, body limp in the water. Leo stands over him, mask on, blood on the edge of his spear's blade. She wails, goes to Mott's body and shakes him, begs him to breathe. He remains with the empty look in his river colored eyes which are already fogging over. Behind her, Leo murmurs there was nothing he could do. The snake had already bitten him, the bloodletting didn't let out the venom.

She doesn't believe him, but the evidence is there. The headless snake corpse, the head crushed under a heavy rock. The patterns of a venomous breed that Mott has been so terrified of. Mott's leg below the knee is swollen and purple, with an oozing black snake bite low on his calf. A clean slice above the bite, already clear of blood from the gentle edges of the water washing it away. She cries into Mott's chest, grips his shoulders until Leo gently coaxes her to her feet.

She doesn't ask why Leo is there.

Leo comforts her. She doesn't know why she lets him, or why she lets him carry Mott's body away. He returns to her as she's curled in her bed, sobbing and making a mess of her face with snot. She doesn't know why he does it, or why she lets him when he pulls the pelt from her waist and slides between her legs. Inside, she's still wet from how soon Mott had taken her, the last traces of his seed still leaking from her. She lets Leo take her, and he mistakes his hiccuppy breaths for pleasure.

She doesn't turn him away when he stays with her again. She's too numb to do much of anything, barely eats when he forces food on her, has to be convinced to go down to the river to bathe and drink. After that first time, Leo doesn't have her again, but she knows he wants to. She often hears him early in the morning while she stares blankly at the simmering embers of the fire, pretending like she's slept more than two hours. He hisses her name into the quiet, she hears the sound of his hand working his arousal and the strangled breath when he spills his seed onto his hand and belly. She wants to hate him for being so insensitive, but it's hard to feel anything other than grief.

Getting on with life is hard. She barely gets out of her bed for a week, and cries often. Mornings are the worst. She rolls over, ready to curl around Mott's smaller frame, and finds Leo sleeping there instead.

It's nearly a full moon cycle before he voluntarily tells her why he was there that day.

Leo never really left. He stopped spying on her like he did in the beginning, but he stayed close enough to check in on her for his own comfort. After the baby passed and she drove him off, he planned to give her a full season cycle to herself to mourn. Around the time he was ready to come back to her, to see if she'd allow him back home, she'd invited Mott to her side.

He befriended Mott when the man went out without her, managed to keep their friendship a secret by telling Mott that she'd be angry if she found out. It was the closest Leo ever thought he'd get to be with her again, second-hand stories from her mate, so he kept up the friendship.

That afternoon at the river, he made a genuine effort to save Mott. If anything, Leo cared for the young man. He may not be showing it outwardly, but he was deeply saddened that there wasn't anything he could do. Mott made her happy.

Ren cries, and tries to tell him to leave. She doesn't want to hear anymore. But her voice breaks before she gets halfway through, and he doesn't go, just pulls her close and comforts her.

Food begins make her sick not too long after. Water comes up as soon as she swallows it. Leo is around for it this time, and asks her if she's pregnant. She lies to him and says no. He doesn't believe her. She believes it's Mott's, and she's terrified of what Leo might do if she tells him that. Once she's able to keep food down, Leo has her eat constantly. She figures that much like the first, this one should come in the cold season, somewhere between the beginning and middle. While she tells him there's nothing growing in her, she wonders if it will have her brown hair or Mott's yellow.

The heat grows unbearable. Her skin gets red if she spends too long in the sun, and she grows much fatter this time, much faster. Leo grows sick of her lying as he sees her getting heavier in the belly and breasts, but not the face. He mocks her, asks if he should take her to a healer to see why she's growing so large for no reason if she's not pregnant.

Broken as she is, she doesn't spit fire at him like she normally would. She just wants to have this child, her little piece of Mott. Instead of being angry, she cries into Leo's chest. She sobs, begs him to just leave already, she wants to be alone already. He doesn't leave, but he definitely feels bad and doesn't mock her again.

Most of the pregnancy is a blur. The seasons change. It gets cold, then colder. Leaves die and birds begin to fly elsewhere. Her stomach grows fat and heavy, much more healthy than the first time. She still won't admit that there's a baby, even when Leo plays with the small kicking feet in her while she pretends to sleep, and thus does not ask if he'll try to kill it when it comes out with yellow hair instead of brown or black.

He does not hide his want for her body anymore, but she does not let him have her. He also does not hide his smug amusement when she subconsciously starts to nest, making a warm pile of animal fur next to where she sleeps. Ren, stubborn as she is, still will not admit it. Even went she approaches the time to give birth, she doesn't admit it.

The time comes sooner than she expects, but only half a moon cycle early. She wants to be alone when she does this, but he stays close for her entire pregnancy and as such, he's there when her water breaks. The maternal instincts in her flare, scared he may kill her young. When he will not back of and give her peace, she makes an attempt on his life. He looks startled when she goes for his throat with a knife but he is not scared. He is smart however, and lets her go off like a dying animal.

This time, it takes her longer. The sun sets, rises, and by midday he's worrying at her side and she's in too much pain to care. This one seems to want to take its time. Once the head breaches out of her, it only takes one more strong push for her to have the baby in her hands, red and purple and crying weakly.

The baby is a little small, but she is precious. Ren clears the girl's throat and the cry becomes more clear, but still weak. Leo takes her, marvels at the little thing in his arms while Ren births the placenta and cuts the cord from it. It's strange to her how Mott and her managed to have a baby with pitch colored hair. Her nose also has the same soft hook to it as Leo's does even though she has to be Mott's, but stranger things have happened, Ren's sure.

The girl does not latch well. It's a struggle to get her to feed, but Ren does it. Curled together in their bed, Leo comments quietly about how subdued the baby's movements are. Ren has been around enough babies in her younger years to know that while they move slow, they shouldn't move the way that the girl does. She is weak and sickly, and Ren chokes up when she realizes he's already preparing for the little one to die.

Ren wakes in the night to Leo shaking her. The baby's cries are so soft that Ren never heard them, but he was awake when she started up. Even awake, Ren can barely hear the muddled noises the baby makes. She feeds the girl, and still, it's a struggle. Most of the milk runs down Ren's breast instead of into the tiny belly, and she refuses to feed anymore, closes her tiny lids and sleeps. Leo presses himself to her back, wraps his arms around her to massage the bottoms of her tender, swollen breasts. Even in such a small amount, it's a relief when he helps empty the excess milk.

They spend the entire day together, the three of them in their little home. Ren feeds the child as often as she can, hoping the little one will get stronger if she gets enough in her. Leo does not leave Ren's side more than he has to, only to bring them something to eat or cold water from the river. He is a constant pressure against her body, and for once, she does not mind.

She awakens before he does, sunlight warming their icy little residence. It concerns her that she didn't wake to the quiet like cries to be fed, she made sure to sleep closer this time. Ren sits up on her elbow, touches her little baby's face in her soft, warm bed. The little face is cold on her fingertips, and when she dips into the small blanket to feel, the body is stiff.

Panicked, she sits up on her knees in a flurry of motion. It wakes Leo. She can't find the beat of the tiny heart, the flutter of little lungs. Of course she doesn't, the babe is already turning gray and blue with death, temperature already equalized with the chill brought by the cold season. But still, she tries.

Leo pulls her away gently, and she cries against him. He wraps around her, keeps her close until she exhausts herself and no more tears come. Ren feels numb as she scoops up the small, stiff body. They have to take her elsewhere before she begins to rot. It's a kind gesture, but she refuses when he offers to take the babes body. She knows what she wants done with it.

They cover themselves in thick furs, enough to insulate their bodies while they make the short trip. Leo says nothing when she kneels on the ground next to the mostly decomposed corpse of her dead lover. Where Leo brought the body so long ago, so many long days ago. He knows her illusion of his young being Mott's, and allows her to nestle the cold body of their daughter next to the man.

The day is particularly cold, even by the warmth of their fire with their heaviest mammoth wool pooled across them. He holds her in his lap and presses his face into her wild brown hair. Two days were enough to make their home feel empty without the presence of the baby. Ren cries when he helps her empty the milk from her breasts. It hurts her, but it must be done so it doesn't sour in her body and make her sick. There's no other way to empty them now.

 

 

The year is a rather unremarkable one. Ren spots a kind of bird that she's never seen before, a red thing with black around its eyes. Leo pokes at the baby fat still clinging to her belly and teases her about it. They're both still sad about the child passing, but their jests make it easier to bear. She warms back up to him and starts to open herself up, to let her feelings back out.

Warming season passes in a haze. It's mundane and boring. She plants her tiny garden, has him help fix and wear and tear on her home. She picks back up her bone carving while he's away with his mask and spear and does not ask where he goes our what he's doing. Somewhere in there, she tentatively allows him between her legs again. Things go alright for them.

Heat season is more unbearable than the last. Animals die from exhaustion, and they spend most of it trying to keep cool and hiding from the sun. She lures in and gains the trust of a small, mild tempered feline who kills the mice that have been destroying the stock of dried food that Ren keeps. Leo agrees that they should keep the cat. He regrets this decision almost immediately when she goes into heat, when the kitty keeps them up by yowling all night. She loves all over his ankles, screeches and presents to him, rubs her ass end on his chest, and Ren can't contain her amusement as the cat harasses him. The heat passes and she has no kittens.

The air breaks, cools a little. They keep each other warm on the colder nights, and it seems that if he makes sure to silently ask the gods before the act, she does not get pregnant. He wants young with her, yes, but he can't bear the thought of losing another because she can't produce health babes.

He... When he was young, barely fifteen season cycles and barely a man, he was one to fill a woman and leave. He had no desire for a mate, just the urge to fuck and pass on his genes. It was of no consequence to him, many men would raise another's young if they wanted the mother as their mate. He would have cared for the second babe just the same even if it came out with Mott's yellow hair, because he wants Ren and would do anything to keep her by his side.

Leo stopped freely spreading his seed long before he met Ren but... He has many children, many live health children. He doesn't want to blame Ren, but none of his other young came out sickly or misshapen like the ones from her. So he prays before he spills himself in her that they do not have up suffer through that pain again.

Leo thinks of her as his mate again, now that she's back at his side. He's never been this intimate with a woman before her. Never got the chance with his first mate, but he does not think about her because it hurts.

He doesn't know what Ren thinks of him as. He knows she thinks he's a nuisance and a warm body to sleep next to, but that's about all. It burns at him, he wants to know, but does not think he'll like the answer. Some humans mate for life only once, some many times, some never. Maybe she's his mate, but he isn't hers.

They spend a particularly harsh cold season huddled together, rarely leaving the warmth of their home. The cat is restless, and occasionally brings them a small kill. It's a welcome meal after days and days of dried meats and fruits, and they always let the cat have the best of the entrails. He does a lot of praying as well and half of it is to keep her barren. It's often asked because she'll tease him, present herself and wiggle her behind in offering. Or lay on her back, legs splayed while she holds herself open with her fingers and asks please? He is a man of restraint but she's an offer too good to resist.

Boredom sets in when the cold turns to a rare snow and they can barely leave. They're comfortable enough with each other to do a little experimenting, to delve into things considered taboo. They use mouths and tongues, seeing what feels good. He's too heavy handed to make her finish with his fingers, she always pulls away and squeals that it's too much. With his tongue, it takes a few tries but he finds the right amount of pressure and she comes apart after just moments. The wet heat of her mouth is almost devine, almost make him spill as soon as her mouth closes around the head. She manages a few bobs of her head, tentatively runs her tongue over there slit and he shudders out his release, apologizes when she scowls at the taste.

Leo doesn't think much about it, just lightly laps at her nipples until she shivering and soaked between her thighs. He tries a few fingers in her other hole, which she isn't much fond of. She's even less fond when he presses into her, and has him stop before he's even half in. As fair play, she licks her fingers and does it right back to him. She doesn't stop until he's leaking his seed from where he's gripped his hand around his arousal, shaking and moaning low in his throat.

They also fuck in every position they can think of. They're pretty creative, but still run out of ideas before it warms up. He still likes it best when she presents herself, opened up and putting herself on display for him. Her favorite is on her belly with her legs spread wide where he can give it to her the deepest.

The cold relents after a while, and the snow melts. They're too busy with each other to notice. He brings her off with his tongue twice, sits up and drags her closer. He drives into her with minimal resistance, and she howls and begs for more. He can feel her let go around him at least four more times before he finally releases into her, pulling her close and emptying as deep into her as possible.

Their sexual appetites do not wane once the temperatures warm. It takes restraint for them to get things done, to plant their food and clean every messy pelt from their coupling in the cold. But still, they steal away during the day, go at it like rabbits and then return to their duties. The heat season comes and they sweat against each other but do not stop.

 

 

He assumes he's being punished by the gods for asking too much of them. It pains him to watch Ren start to hurt, her back aching so much that after a full cycle of the moon, she can't even lay without sobbing in pain. Rubbing her vertebrae helps alleviate some of the pressure, but it's never enough. He offers to go to a village for her and talk to the healer, and she surprisingly agrees. To make her smile, he loudly assigns the seven pound feline to guard duty before he leaves.

The healer asks many questions. Has she had headaches? Emptying her bladder more often? More cranky than usual? Fatigued? Leo answers yes to all of it. The healer suggests that she may be growing his young.

It can't be, Leo tells the man. She was sick with the first two, gained much weight and ate non stop.

The healer gives him a handful of seeds. He tells Leo to have her urinate on them in the morning and if they sprout, she is pregnant. Leo takes them, thanks the healer, and goes back to Ren.

Their feline took guard duty seriously, as he finds her purring away as she sleeps on Ren's belly while Ren herself naps. He puts the seeds in a small spot of dirt that she salted, leaving no healthy earth to help them grow. When she wakes, he relays what the healer said. She denies being pregnant, and this time he believes she's being truthful. But the seeds to not lie. They begin to sprout a few days after she urinates on them. He feels sick, and she cries the entire day.

With teary eyes, she finds somewhere to plant the seeds and hopes they'll survive the frost. No use in them going to waste. If they survive and grow, she can make her own bread.

Leo takes care to make sure she's fed and comfortable. There's no way to estimate when the baby will come, she hardly shows anything for most of the cooling season. When she disappears one morning and he cannot find her, he figures it's time.

Ren hides away well. She's perfectly concealed, and the only reason he finds her is because of the grunts and cries from her strained pushing. He kneels next to her in the overgrowth of shrubbery, touches her face while she cups her hands around the crowning head. When the baby won't come, she grips his shoulders and instructs him to catch it. She has to put all of her energy into pushing, and can't do that if she has to focus on keeping her balance.

So with a mighty push, the head comes. Ren gasps air like she's choking and with a second heave, he has a baby in his hands. The little one is large and appears alive. She doesn't cry right away, but Ren does at the lack of noise, already thinking the worst. He presses his littlest finger in the baby's mouth like he'd seen Ren do, makes sure there's nothing blocking her throat. He pulls out a thin piece of some kind of lining, maybe from the amniotic sac, and the babe's face screws up. Her cries are loud and strong and Ren's turn into sobs of relief.

Ren doesn't sleep much for most of the cold season. The baby's cries are loud, she drinks with strong pulls that fill her belly, and her movements are perfectly normal, but Ren is terrified the baby may die. She stirs awake frequently, touches the baby and makes sure her little body is still warm under the chill in the air. The baby's heartbeat feels strange under her hand, but she's convinced it's just her imagination.

The little one drinks plenty, leaving Ren's chest less full and having little need for Leo to help empty her the rest of the way. They both agree she's growing well, that she's strong and healthy. Bigger than the two that came before her. The cat enjoys curling up with the babe and sharing warmth, purring and grooming the fine black hairs that matches Leo's color.

When the warming season comes, the baby is three moon cycles old. She is old enough to be given a name finally, and they call her Maya. Maya advances just as she should, holds her head up on her own, starts to figure out how to work her hands. Ren spends long days taking care of the little one while Leo takes care of whatever else needs to be done.

He still leaves sometimes, but never for more than a few days at a time, always back at the side of his woman and daughter. Ren asks him eventually, where does he go? What exactly is that mask for? What does he do when he's gone?

With a dark look on his face, Leo merely tells her, atonement. After that, he will not answer anything else about it.

He does answer her when she tentatively asks about his first mate. She was older than him, a kind faced woman with stern eyes. He was barely 21 cycles, but she took him anyways, and softly threatened to kill him if he ever put a child in her. Leo smiles fondly when he says it.

She was a warrior, small and fierce, but she loved him. She was done with war, and wanted a man to fill her time. Leo was lucky enough to be that man. He only got two good season cycles with her before the accident. He doesn't elaborate on what exactly the accident was, but it all but destroyed his first mate's leg. He took care of her, loved her all the same, but she grew depressed.

One evening, he came back from hunting. He still isn't sure how she managed to get up there, but he found her hanging by her neck from a tree. She was alive when he cut her down, but by the next day it became apparent that the lack of oxygen had ruined her brain. The kindest thing he could do for the woman he loved was end what she started.

Leo shakes his head, apparently finished with his tale. He takes Maya from Ren instead, and plays with the child. Cradles her to his chest when she falls asleep. This is his life now, his family.

It's hard for them to find time to have each other. They were comfortable with the cat because, well, she's a cat. But Leo is uncomfortable with the though of coupling with Ren while the baby is in arms reach. It's not feasible to move her either, unreasonable to move Maya to the other side of their home with all of Ren's tools and trinkets, just because they want to practice the motions of making another one.

Ren pushes to a compromise. She feeds Maya, and they move to the furthest side of their bed to do the deed once the babe is asleep. It still makes Leo a little uncomfortable, but she rarely wakes and is too young to remember if she sees anything.

Leo teases Ren in a soft voice, careful not to wake the little one, asks if they should be doing this so soon? It's hard enough managing with one, does she want two? As if this is the first time they've done it since Maya was born. Ren swats his shoulder while he slowly works into her, tells him to get out of her, but she doesn't mean it.

Life goes on, and it's another mostly unremarkable year. Maya gets bigger, grows fat with thick rolls on her body from her mother's milk. She's fat and happy and learns to sit up in the tame warmth of the heat season. Her little hands are grabby and rough and Leo bears the blunt is the infant's abuse. Maya jams her tiny fingers up his nose and in his mouth with her sharp nails, rip at his ears and pulls his hair until tears well in his eyes. But she adores him, and by the end of the heat season, she's starting to crawl and he's the one she goes to first, instead of her mother or the kitty she loves so.

Seeing Leo holding their daughter to his chest does something to her own. She loves Maya so much, and though it's hard to admit, she loves Leo too. Watching him pepper kisses to Maya's face and belly, listening to her squeal in delight, it makes Ren's heart squeeze.

Ren considers strapping Maya to herself, taking Leo with her and making the long trek home. She wants to introduce her baby to her brother, Leo too though she doesn't know what to call him. Refuses to call him her mate even though that's what he is. She wants to see her brother's wife, kiss their seven healthy children with their yellow hair and light eyes. She misses them. She wonders if they've had more children since she left, but in the end, decides not to go. It will be hard to convince Leo to go, and their cat is so used to protection that she may die if left alone too long.

The cooling season passes like a breeze. They fuck, a lot really, to stave off the chill. It's a struggle to keep quiet, but they manage. Maya continues to grow, and her eyes settle on what color they want to be; a ring of Leo's brown on the outside with Ren's green filling the inside. It is beautiful. She is beautiful.

Leo naps with the little one on his chest one afternoon, and wakes to her heart beating irregularly against his. He tells Ren, who touches Maya's chest. Maya believes it a game and bounces herself, giggles, but Ren feels the pulse moving not-quite-right. She's noticed it before, but always figured it was her imagination still worried about losing Maya. But Leo confirms that it isn't moving right, sometimes going too fast or skipping a beat.

There is nothing there can do about it other then ensure it's still beating when they wake up in the night. Maya grows sniffly a few days later and begins vomiting. Ren does as well, it's only expected because she sleeps so close to Maya. The baby recovers from the magic of her mother's milk; her mother does not recover. She keeps nothing down for longer than a few hours, burns with fever. Her weight goes from leftover baby fat to overly thin. Leo worries over her, terrified he'll have to deal with the death of a second mate. Terrified he'll have to raise Maya alone, without Ren's guidance. The moon is most the way through a cycle when the fever finally lifts, and she starts being able to keep water down. Then little bits of food. She grows her strength back.

Maya's first season cycle comes as the beginning of the cold season. She has leaned to stand, and toodles a few steps before falling. Leo remarks that she's gotten so big, so strong and wild. Her pitch colored hair bunches in curls at the back of her head and they bounce in every direction while she goes around touching things she shouldn't and getting into trouble. Wild and untamed, her mother's child for sure.

It gets much colder and they all spend time bundled up and lazing around. Maya does nothing but eat and eat, her little teeth sharp in the tender flesh of her mother's nipples. Leo leaves less in the winter, content to stay near the warmth of the fire, the warmth of his woman and child. He plays with Maya while Ren sleeps in the mornings, her little heart beating fast and irregularly like a war drum. But she doesn't seem discomforted by it, just holds onto Leo with a big smile while babbling 'dadadada' at him.

He's so full of love, for both of them. Maya is so precious, rough and carefree. Her face is a lovely mix of his and Ren's, and she's so perfect. The press of her tiny hands on his leg to get his attention, that mischievous look she gets when she spots the cat. He loves every bit of it.

And the press of Ren to his side, every quip and half-hearted insult that she throws at him. How she kisses him, tugs at his hair to be a pain, falls asleep with her face against his chest and his body wapped around her. It's all he's ever wanted.

 

 

Ren wakes on an unremarkable morning. It's cold out, still, but that isn't what woke her. Leo kneels next to her, dressed warmly and touching Maya's face. Even in the cold, she sweats under her covers like it's the middle of a heat. The baby faintly stirs at his touch, but does not wake. Leo quietly tells Ren he will be outside. The cat disappeared in the night and he wants to see if he can find her before she freezes. Ren lazily kisses him, then the baby, and goes back to sleep.

The sweat on Maya's face has dried by the time Ren wakes back up. Child always runs so warm, it's a miracle when she cools down. Ren sits up, rubs the sleep from her eyes and stretches. Maya will wake up hungry soon if Ren doesn't wake her first. Maya always goes straight to screaming like she's dying if Ren doesn't feed her in a timely fashion, scared the shit out of Ren and Leo the first few times she did it.

Ren leans over, peppers her chilly little face with kisses to wake her up sweet. Maya doesn't stir, and it makes Ren's stomach drop in the worst sort of way. She gives the baby the benefit of the doubt, she's a much deeper sleeper than either of her parents. Ren rubs Maya's cheeks, kisses her face with more pressure. Panic rises in her chest, and she peels the small blanket back, puts her hand across Maya's chest as she notices just how pale the babe's mouth is. Under Ren's hand is still, no flutter of lungs, no arrhythmic heart pushing back. Ren calls her name with tears welling in her eyes, disbelieving it. This one was healthy, this one should be surviving. Maya? Maya!?

Leo drops everything and comes as quickly as he can when he hears Ren wail like the dying. He finds her hunched over Maya, holding her little face and sobbing. The baby's mouth is so pale, the color gone from her skin. No, no, no no nonono, she was fine just a couple hours ago! He made sure, she was fine! But he touches her and she is too still and too cold.

They grieve. There is nothing else to do but sob over her body, looking so much smaller than she is cradled against her father's chest, like the day she was born.

His eyes burn as he helps Ren get something warmer on. She sits back with silent tears running tracks down her face, watching him as he dresses Maya for the cold. It's a waste of fur, both of them know it, but it feels wrong to take her outside without dressing her for the weather too.

Her body is returned to the earth in the spot that she came into it. They hold her between the two of them for a long time before the manage to lay her down, one last time. She looks peaceful, and they take a small solace in the fact that it did not hurt. Her heart must have skipped a beat and never picked back up.

The evening is spent together crying, holding each other, feeling numb. The stupid fucking cat shows up at dark, yowling and screeching as she forces her way in through the door flaps. She searches for the baby, her favorite person, and meows for a long while until she settles in the baby's bed, awaiting her return. In the morning, Ren wakes up exhausted and disoriented, ready to feed the baby and get on with the day. But when she turns, reaches, all she finds is the cat.

 

 

It becomes warm out. Ren is fatigued, depressed, and it isn't helped by the fact that Leo disappears as soon as the chill lets up. He's gone for a full moon cycle, and she starts to hate him for abandoning her when she needs him the most. When they need _each other_ the most.

But he comes back, holds her, kisses the side of her head and all she can do is cry. He doesn't tell her where he went.

She grows heavy from comfort eating. He still thinks she looks unhealthy, even with the weight. Under her eyes are dark, skin pale, nails bitten down to stubs. She doesn't smile at all anymore, barely responds to his touch. Leo remembers back to her chasing him off so many moons ago, shouting that he's bad luck and brings death wherever he goes. He knows this to be true, but he had hoped and prayed to the gods that it wouldn't follow him to his family. But he asks too much of them, and they must have turned their backs.

Leo can't bring himself to leave. She is his, and though he brings her sorrow, he can't make himself leave. He always comes back to her. Unable to stay away. He loves her so much, never wants to hurt her, but he needs her.

Most of the season passes in a blur. Most of everything passes in a blur. The heat comes, burns at their skin. Ren starts cramping low in her belly, getting an awful backache. She wonders if it is one of the rare bleeding cycles she has. It would explain the swelling and tenderness in her breasts, her nausea and heartburn.

It does not explain the gush of fluid from between her legs when stands up from tending her garden. She's stupefied for a moment, doesn't understand what's happening for a moment until her cramping turns into a contraction. She seeks Leo out in the woods, too scared to do this on her own this time. It is far too soon since Maya's death for her to have another, they haven't done anything since before her passing. It must have happened sometime between then and the cooling season.

This one is a struggle. Two days pass, and though her contractions are close, it does not come. She's scared she'll die. She's scared the thing has died in her already, suffocated in its own fluid. Leo only leaves her side to bring her food or water, but by the second half of the second day, she can't ingest anything else. She wants to be home for this, but knows the smell of blood and afterbirth could bring predators, so they stay out in the trees.

The night bleeds into the third day. She awakens with him on the ground, and feels dread creep down her spine. Her contractions have stopped. She gets up and walks, hopes for the best, and soon enough they start up again. They come suddenly, hard and fast, and by the time the heat of the afternoon swelters around them the infant is in her hands.

The cord is wrapped like a vice around his neck, so tight that Ren can't even get her littlest finger under it. His face is purple and Leo feels sick as it brings back memories. She struggles to get the cord off while Leo holds him, but she can only slacken it. He breathes, color returns to him, but does not cry. Once the placenta comes, she cuts the cord and undoes the noose around his neck. No matter what they do, he does not cry. His throat is clear, all of his little fingers and toes are in place, and his heart beats normally, but Ren doesn't thing he'll survive more than a week. She cries while she holds him, and Leo does not mistake it for happy tears.

Much like her second baby, he barely drinks anything. Once he finally does cry, it's so weak that for a moment they think it's the cat off in the distance. But the baby moves, and the noise continues until she realizes the sound is him and holds him to her breast to give him what he needs.

She's met people who were born with their cords around their necks. Some of them were just fine, but others suffered damage from the oxygen deprivation. It pains her to think of which her son will be if he survives.

The sorrow is never ending for them, it seems. By his third day, the babe refuses her breast, won't eat anymore. He stops crying all together, moves too little. Before the seventh day passes, he seizes, cradled between Ren and Leo. His tiny body convulses, shakes, and then he grows still. He does not wake up. For the fourth time, they return a tiny body to the earth.

Ren is a broken woman, and Leo does not know how to ease her pain along with his own. He smothers her in attention and affection, but she doesn't scream for him to leave like she did the first time. She accepts it, and he doesn't know if it's because she wants the attention or if she's just too mute to tell him to go. Leo wouldn't stay away long if she told him to leave, never can keep away from her. He's shared her side for so many season cycles and he cannot have anyone but her now. There is nothing but her.

Gently, he asks her, she has a brother right? Would she want to go see him? He will accompany her if she wishes to go. Leo doesn't know why it's the wrong thing to say, but she cries at the suggestion. He makes sure not to ask again.

At night when she sleeps next to him, he thinks. About the gods, why they're punishing him through her. She doesn't deserve any of this, it's him who's supposed to suffer as his atonement for his sins. Ren is an innocent bystander who shouldn't have to bear the punishment that belongs to him. She's done nothing wrong, she doesn't know what kind of awful man he used to be.

Leo also thinks about his children, the ones he didn't stay for. There must be over a dozen of them, he was a potent man when he was young and in his prime and he's not sure just how many women he laid with. He's getting older now, lost track but he's got to be somewhere around thirty-seven cycles, maybe thirty-eight. The first of the children weren't birthed until he was at least sixteen, most of them are adults by now. He wonders why all of those were allowed to be healthy when he didn't want them other than to pass on his lineage. It's not fair that the ones he would care for all died before they really got a chance to live.

As much as neither of them want it to, life goes on. The cold is harsh for half the season cycle, and their kitty does not come home for good one evening. Sadness follows Ren like a stink, and can barely even bring herself to go out and relive her body, let alone eat or drink. Leo has to force her to because he's scared she'll die.

Nearly three seasons pass after their child does before he tries to lay with her again. He gets as far as parting her thighs before she starts sobbing. Of course, he stops, he's not going to take her if she's unwilling or crying. He asks her what's wrong, presses his mouth to her face and wipes her tears away.

Ren begs him not to do it. She tells him that she can't bear having another one come out broken or dead or living just long enough to break their hearts again. It'll kill her. She can't do it again.

He asks for her trust. Promises that he'll not let it happen. She relents, gives him her trust and permission. It's as gentle as he can manage, it's been so long for both of them that her body is unaccustomed to the intrusion. She tenses when he gets close to his release, but true to his word, he does his best to prevent it and spills on her thigh instead.

That evening, he leaves her with a kiss and the promise to be back. He leaves for his little cave, the one he spent so long in before Ren finally accepted him. He kneels in front of the crude alter, the murals that took so long for him to paint. He bows his head and prays in earnest, asks whoever will listen to keep his woman barren. He is there one who should suffer, not her. She doesn't deserve to watch her body produce broken children who all die.

His prayer is answered, and she almost dies.

A group passes through the territory around their home, asks if they have anything to trade? Ren's bone tools are popular for their quality, so she trades with them. One lingers at the back of the group, says he's unwell and doesn't wish to pass it to her. Unknowingly, the others are already contaminated, and after a week, Ren falls ill. Even at his age, Leo's immune system is strong and he doesn't catch it, but she deteriorates fast, can't even move to drink on her own. Bumps rise all over her body and leave scars wherever they disappear. He has seen others affected by this illness, all either die or are left with scarred bodies and the inability to reproduce. Yet again the gods play a sick, cruel joke on him. He's begun to believe that only the tricksters listen to him.

Still, she lives. A litter of small circular scars join the stretch marks and healed injuries on her body. He feeds her, makes her drink as much as she can stomach. He helps her walk again, she's got so little strength left from the sickness ravaging her body. She heals, grows stronger and soon enough they're back to how life was. She's less sad now days, and though he does not give up on the gods, he spends less time talking to them.

The seasons pass. They have each other often, but she remains empty of any child. She grows restless, can never find enough to do. Her moods are unpredictable, talking her from crying one moment to anger in another. People pass through more often, and a man she recognizes from her old village mentions in passing that they build homes out of solid mud bricks and sticks now, no longer cone shaped leather with gaps in the top to let out smoke. The man does not recognize her and he leaves.

Ren eventually asks Leo to take her home. And he'll come with her, won't he? He is confused, tells her they are home. She shakes her head, emphasizes _home_. Where she came from. She is getting old, and tired, and she just wants to be with her brother and his mate and their children.

Leo hesitates, and tells her he'll think on it. She will be an outcast there, he already knows. Her body scarred with the evidence of sickness, stretch marks on her breasts and belly with no babes to show for it. A pouch on her belly that one can only get from giving birth so many times. They'll wonder where all of her babes are, were they all broken or did she smother them? He will be feared, the older man with dark hair and something burning in his eyes. The mask will unnerve them, because he will not hide it. He brings death with him, but he does not know if it will extend to her family.

But he loves her. He loves her so much, so he fashions a bag for her while she sleeps and packs her bones and knives and carving tools. He wants her to be happy. When she wakes in the morning, he tells her he will go. He'll take her and protect her. Always.

They collapse their home, rolling the leather and strapping it to Leo's back. It'll make good for a temporary home until a mud brick one can be made. They take as many furs as they can, for trade and for the comfort of their bed. But before they can go, Ren insists on saying a last goodbye, because she'll never come back here again.

They visit them in order. The first babe is the oldest, his bones overgrown with moss and grass, and it makes her smile. The second is much like the first, her body and Mott's grown over like tiny little molehills on the ground. She takes care not to step on them. Maya is surrounded by wheat, large healthy bushels of it. Leo wanders if Ren did that, the wheat grown from the seeds that told of Maya's existence. The last babe's bones have not been reclaimed yet, his tiny skull still visible in the tall grass. Ren touches him, just under his hollow eye socket.

When she is finished, she looks up at Leo. Her lip wobbles and her face is covered in tears. The sorrow on her face is enough that it makes his eyes sting with the salt of tears. But she takes his hand in hers so tight, kisses his knuckles and does not let go.

"Take me home."

And so he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read. Any spelling, grammatical, or auto correct errors are all on me.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> I have [my blog](http://iwillpooponthefloor.tumblr.com) on tumblr, if you'd like to check that out. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
